Disaster occurs!

Even before I could relive my experiences at the examination, the dramaticness of events at home increased hyperbolically each passing day, so much so that, notwithstanding the magnificiently elaborate arrangements at home for my pregnant sister, they seemed abhorrently pathetic even by my middle class standards. So, we all rush to the hospital. Now, dramaticness multiplies a million fold. Why? Just read ahead.

Let's assume you are a guy in the mid twenties. Let's also just assume you are single. You need not fret. It's just an assumption. Now, say you are silently and quite unassumingly warming the bench outside the labour room in a huge corporate hospital. Suddenly, a beautiful nurse, looking just like your neighbour's daughter whom you had strange feelings for, walks across and asks you sweetly, " Uncle, What's the time?". How do you feel? How can you digest the moment when the lady sitting beside you giggles in sadistic pleasure? What do you call this? What do you call the sacrificial ablution of a man's dignity? I would call it DEP. Disaster of Epic Proportions. And a person who doesn't suffer from post traumatic stress is then honored with the title SED, Survivor of Epic Disaster. He is also nominated for the next year's World's most rock hearted young head-in-the sand award - Male. Hw would I feel after all this?

Suddenly and pretty appropriately, the idea of shoving her silently into the forensic laboratory of the hospital and subjecting her to lie detector and brain mapping tests occured. I wanted to desperately know the truth. However immediately, the Honorable Supreme Court's lambasting of these two procedures also came to mind. I resisted. I persisted. I gulped the yell, for the second time in as many weeks. Why me? Was I the only unfortunate male in the entire group that was bench warming? Perhaps, yes. Perhaps she was hallucinating. Perhaps I really look like an uncle. I didn't know. But I knew for sure, this event would ravage the vitals of my brain for the next few days. I felt like running away. But I was hungry. So I waited for lunch. I then slept.

V S Krishna College. Yes. Decision made.

Most decisions in life are split second. They are sometimes ephemeral yet immensely consequential. They often break hearts. Sometimes, they screw up complete lives. Few other times, they turn inherently impotent and infertile lands into reserves of unimaginable potential and sources of immeasurable wealth. Some other times, when dogs reign over people's luck realms and fortune empires, decisions of magnanimous proportions end up being damp squibs of pacific inconsequence. Why do, at these extremely unfortunate times, men and women of generally respectable cranial capacities commit dangerously insane blunders? Why? Why do we humans with immaculate mathematical skills fail at decision making with intense shamelessness?

Or is it just me out of this whole world of human beings, cats and dogs? Does everyone else make the right decisions? Am I the nincompoop? The imbecile one?

May be yes, may be not. It was a coin's question but the verdict was to be given three months later, for the decision was already made. I made my mind. I had to do it. The decision was not a sentimental one. Far from it. Neither was it emotional. It was sparsely rational too. And no part of it was judgemental. Then what kind of decision was it? Purely instinctive. Since the time my umblical cord was safely detached and stashed away in a high security, high priority, high voltage, cold storage DNA Bank for fear of losing a born winner to congenital defects, ( I only always wish this happened), I never have had the fortune of experiencing the distinctly egoistic and extortionist feeling that seeps through your nerves when instinctive decisions are made by the self. For example, one where you rise your head in pride and laugh in rage after you secretly and quite violently tear open the rubber ball of your neighborhood kid who you know plays better cricket than you did when you were of his age. Instinctive decision. Ain't it?

This decision too was similar. I decided to write the Civil Services Preliminary Examination 2011. It is tension when you write an exam for the first time. You are an epitome of FAIL if you are writing it for the second time. But to write an exam which you have already passed, you become either a paragon of exceedingly surplus energy or completely weighed down boredom. Can be both.

The centre this year, was the V S Krishna Government Degree College. My fateful college, here I come.

The devil, again!

23rd May 2010 was the day. Or was it the 29th? To hell with the number. The day wasn't dramatic. No thunders and lightning, no dust storms and absolutely no tsunami. Delhi is a landlocked city. The sun rose at its designated time. The morning breeze whizzed past the windows of the bedroom. The morning birds, the species of which I had no inkling of, kept chirping. The alarm rang and it was 06:30 AM. Mom, the usual, the ubiquitous and the prevailing deity at home, comes up close and wakes me up. Yes, I realize. It's today. Civil Services Examination Preliminary Test 2010.

What happened later is history. One year hence, the 12th of June 2011, the tough thing is here again. Preliminary Test 2011. With so many people giving the exam this time, here are a few tips from a not-so-seasoned but successful campaigner. :)

1. You have worked like an ant for the last few years. You have never given up. You have broken all norms. You have given it your all. And, you are now equipped. Can't you defend yourself for a pithy 4 hours? What are you made of if you cannot play hero for 4 tough hours? Plastic? Foam? Rubber? No. Steel! This is 4 hours of your time! Play!

2. Never Give Up! I was asked in my interview to explain the aphorism, "When the going gets tough, the tough get going". I explained. They were satisfied. The same applies to you. This perhaps is the toughest test yet of your life. Never, ever give up!

3. Concentrate on the question. The UPSC does not expect you to know the answer to every question in the paper. They donot need bookshelves to work as IAS officers. They need quick witted, smart and agile performers. So, there's no question that you look at and immediately answer. Every answer has to be thought about. Give it some time. Draw a small diagram. Create a few links. And let me tell you, you are nearer to the answer than you expected.

4. There is no emotion on earth stronger than the will to survive. And survive, you shall, survive, you will. 'Coz, you are here not to buckle under pressure! You are hear to beat every boundary that is drawn, every limit that exists.

5. Do it! And come out smiling!

Disclaimer

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Journeys and more

Burrrrr.....Burrrrr....Burrrrr......Nokia mobiles are famous for their durability. They are also known for their reliability. In case of a doubt, try this, throw one down your toilet, flush hard, wait for a week and call that number. You will hear someone answer the call. But they are known for yet another reason. They vibrate like the world is coming to an end. When you are asleep in the morning with a phone beside your head, someone calls you, and if you are not a polar bear, you will most probably get furious. This is what happened. It was 20 days back that my results were announced. But my phone never stopped ringing all this while. It was 7 in the morning and the nokia mobile kicked some punch. I began to think. I didn't achieve a celebrity rank, I mean one in the top 10 or even a super star rank, I mean one in the top 50. I was miles away from even a super man rank, I mean one in the top 100. I was standing at 250. But why this hype? why all these felicitations? Why are distant relatives from distant towns who maintained good distance all this while, coming so close?

I then recalled one Mr. Nagashayana who used to teach us Public Administration in New Delhi. He called this exam, the King or Pauper exam. I just realized it was true. At least in parts.

My mom appears from nowhere, tiptoes towards the bed, pushes aside the blankets, sits beside me and reads out that day's engagements with clockwork precision. It was the sixth honour in less than a month. I felt like pinching and kicking myself again to make sure it was not that elongated dream. My mother was ready to do it on my behalf but I resisted. the last felicitation I was honoured with was two decades back when I fortunately and quite amazedly ended up winning a speed skating race held in Hyderabad. My relatives were so overwhelmed by disbelief that they kept calling home and asked i f I really won the race even two years after me winning the race. After that I was more or less the epitome and paragon of FAIL. Was it really time for me to hog the limelight?

The response

Jubilation, delight, awesomeness, energy, extra energy, funny chills, few thrills, wizardly enchantment, instant gratification and overall happiness. All these feelings swept across home. It is indeed tough to describe when a middle class family is thrown into a swimming pool called happiness and is ordered, "Swim". Dad, who was sitting in the balcony with his companion, his best friend, his love for life, the evil enchantress, the beautiful seductress, the only persona in this world my mother hates, that day's newspaper, rushes into the room where the revelation happened. He heard screams and was afraid the ceiling fan fell on my head. On hearing the news, he was catapulted to cloud eleven. He wouldn't budge for the next three weeks. My sister immediately took a flight to cloud twenty two and kept giving missed calls to all of us. Mom was completely out of sight. She ran out of clouds. So, she entered the exo atmosphere. So, only radio communication. I didn't know how to react. So, I stay put. I was still in that trance. How in this world could this happen? I mean how? What if tomorrow UPSC comes up with a different list saying that the previous one was the wrong one. April fool types? The psychotic satan in me that reared its ugly head when I reached 400 was taking its time to go back to bed. What if I'm dreaming? Because such dreams were commonplace over the last two years. So no big deal if this was another elongated early morning dream.

Revelation

Some religious and spiritual leaders reveal their manifestation only after cross checking themselves. This is something I assume. Like, for example, the mythical Zoperfix, the god of gods of the great island of Timuledany, created a loaf of bread, two duck eggs and a few buffaloes to test himself before he proclaimed his godliness to the world. It is another matter that his wife did the same the next day. I decided to play safe too. I read each letter of the two words exactly 18 times before I did it all over again. I pinched myself silently and swallowed the scream for the fear of waking up the women. I punched my right thigh and gulped the yell. My stomach was full now. Yes, I realized It was real. Yes, I did better than Manisha Chaudhary, yes, I did it. Wooohooo. 2 years of nerve twitching, mind bending, back breaking, soul vaporizing, neck twisting and eye gouging drudgery came to an end. The idea of running bare, shouting "Eureka", never came. The women were lucky. How badly I wished, if my laptop was feminine, I would have married it. But it was tough to know. So, I forgave it.

I ran to my mom. I was a 5 year old last bench kid who just won the consolation prize in spelling the word "FAIL". My joy knew no bounds. My eyes sparkled with joy and my face beamed with ecstasy. A 25 year old sure looks ugly that way. She had a puzzled look on her face. With me grinning widely and a pregnant woman by her side she must have thought, "He sure cannot become pregnant, why is he so happy?" I said, "Ayipoyindi" [It's over]. She replies, "Entadi Ayipoyedi?" [What the hell do you mean is over? With about 2 kilos of sarcasm]. I said, "My rank is 250". She was awestruck. Her mind went blank. This, in my region is called Mind-Block.