The number

So, eventually, my fingers stopped shivering, my heart beat fell to normal and like a dead man walking, I scrolled through the list. Where's the fun when you know that you've missed the bus but can try your luck with the next one? I reached 300. The theoritical probability of my name existing in the last 100 numbers was 0.5. However, when you've gone through 800 names out of 900 and you failed, you believe you were born to fail. In short, Eternal FAIL. So, when you are destined to fail, why even look in the last 100? I was turning hopelessly psychotic. The cynical side in me emerged to walk me through the last 100, laughing at me hysterically and asking me, "Why so serious?". It was only a matter of time before I bite the dust.

Breaking the news to the family required another strategy of tremendous resilience. I couldn't have planned for that anyways. I was already almost brain dead.

The last name in the next page, going upwards, sounded similar. It actually rhymed with my name. Somehow, I couldn't understand it at first glance. But it looked familiar. My heart started to beat faster. The length, the curves and the shape of the two words in the name looked similar. I could feel blood flow back into my ears. The first letters of both words matched with those of mine. My finger started to twitch like the hero in the last scene of the film where he lies dead in the ICU, his love interest barges in and shouts in his ear, "Aaaaiiii Lovvvvvvv Uiioouuuoo" and his fingers start to twitch like he's a starving dog and she just bought him some Pedigree. Like tunnel vision, everything in my Span of vision gets out of focus, I feel like being thrown in a trance, every part of my body goes numb and my head reels in delusion. Is this a dream? How is it that I find my name in this list? Did I pass this exam? The number beside my name read 250.


I come back to life.